#001
Flowmatic AI
“Empowering teams to unlock synergistic workflow velocity”
Actually:A to-do list
9.2/ 10absurdity
Finally, a $40/month subscription to write 'buy milk' on your phone. The AI apparently adds 'synergy' to each item.
Vol. I · San Francisco, CA
We read startup
landing pages
so you don’t have to.
Daily roasts of San Francisco’s most unserious startups. One paragraph of buzzwords, decoded.
This week’s crimes
#002
Etheros
“The decentralized platform for authentic human connection”
Actually:LinkedIn, but on blockchain
8.7/ 10absurdity
You'll pay gas fees to endorse someone's Excel skills and wait three seconds for the transaction to confirm. This is the future of professional networking.
#003
Lumos Health
“Personalized bio-optimization through quantum coherence mapping”
Actually:A wearable that tells you to sleep more and drink water
9.6/ 10absurdity
The $599 bracelet takes two weeks to ship and one data point to conclude you're stressed. A glass of water and a nap would have been free.
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